That Girl

 Christmas presents. The best part of me is that I’ll send a link or gush over something and then I forget about it. Examples: I bought my own pair off baby blue and orange ADIDAS and when they arrived I told my husband that I wasn’t going to look at them because I got them FOUR months early and I KNEW that I’d forget all the details, maybe this is where I’m at on the Autism scale? Surprising myself with gifts? I also bought a mother fucking fuzzball of a pullover from Patagonia… complete forgot! I sent links to this “Witchy”  kind of jewelry creator and picked a moon face necklace and ring… was surprised about the ring.. I mean, seriously… although, in my own defense, I’ve been picking up things since June. Do I forget what I get for other people, don’t be silly, of course not. Oh! I also got a Gold Plague Doctor Charm… Ya! Weirdo!! I just ordered a gold chain so I can make me a necklace.  Anyway! I got this kind of gag gift and it’s an astronaut that projects stars and ...

 How was your Christmas? My Christmas Eve was spent in bed, sick AF! Has to cancel church and dinner. Cool. Did go to the Gaylord though which was beautiful as always. Day after Christmas, sick again, like WTF? Yesterday we went to look at Christmas lights and that was nice, then to In-N-Out. Classy. We opened gifts starting at 10:30 pm Christmas night after a tragic, and I do mean tragic, event happened…. My son knocked over a case of my beads and it Burst open. Like, 3,000 beads. And they went EVERYWHERE! Loved it!  I accidentally mailed three gifts to Robb and I only noticed because the husband and son were short gifts so I tore through everywhere I could have hid them for whatever reason I might have had and instead…. I found Robb and his daughter’s gifts. Loved that!!! I had to call Robb and be all…. Dude! You know that $100 I spent on mailing you guys your gifts? Well I have to send you $100 to mail them back and then I get to pay $100 to send you your gifts! I love that...

 I’m really busy and don’t have much time to write so this will be it until after Christmas. Tuesday we’re going to Highland Park to look at lights, we’ve been making cookies and candy. I’ve been making bespoke pieces for the people who live here and their friends/family so I haven’t spent much time at all on my shop or business insta.  On Christmas Eve we’re going to a candlelight church service. It’s the thing I miss about church. Christmas Eve services, candlelight and Christmas hymns. Then Indian for dinner here on the Island. The Gaylord came through and called to say they were in fact having Christmas dinner so we’re going on Christmas! Yay!! We open gifts Christmas night after dinner.   So! Here’s my almost yearly Christmas wish. I hope you  Feel loved Feel happiness  Have good health Hold onto your inner child Make the time to be grateful  Spend quiet moments looking at the moon More Than a Memory by Garth Brooks arguably one of the best songs ever!...

 I had the best day Wednesday. We played hooky and we went to the Springs. It was about 60 degrees out which makes the heated pools 100% better than when it’s 100 degrees out. It started getting dark at 4:30 because it was really cloudy.  Then by 6:30…The calming pool lights, blue, green. The twinkle lights, the barely raining mist falling on my face, the steam floating over every surface leaving a feeling of both dread and mystery, covering the surface like a dreamy blanket, swimming in the large World Pool, feels magical like a mermaid floating gently and gracefully, the temperature of the perfect bath , the music drifting over me, my mind drifts off and the pool lights remind me of a night when a boy had me at his house, parents gone, skinny dipping in the quiet night, skin on skin, I drift back to there, my tummy feels like butterflies my heart fluttering, my mind feeling animal like in its passion wanting to come together as one in the place where only he could take me. A...

 Ok, so, a couple of things…. One! I have a daughter again. Crossing fingers and praying that it works out.  Three months ago I got out of the hospital for what would be only two days. When I got home I immediately went to sleep and had a dream with my dad in it. We were just talking and I asked him if I should call her and he replied that I absolutely should call her.  I woke up in a really rough emotional state. Couldn’t stop crying… And against the advice of Jd and Josh I called her, I was crying so hard I don’t know how she even understood me. She said she wasn’t prepared to have a conversation. Ok, fine. I sent her a text about 6 wks later and asked if she was ready. No response. I woke up Friday and knew that I had to call right then. Josh was adamant that I not call and then he said he felt something inside him say “ Let her call. It will be fine” so he told me that I should call. She had a list ready of things to talk about and we spent over an hour just crying wh...

 I’ll be writing a whole blog about this but I wanted to tell you all this.  I have a daughter again. Knock on wood. Spoke to YM and it went great. It will be a slow process, but it’s started and that’s what matters  ❤️💕

 I’m not going to be approved for my surgery. Why? Oh! Because my doctor TORE my urethra doing that test I had done and it needs to heal first. Did I mention that it feels like there’s glass inside me? Love it! Boy, Forgot to mention the pic. It’s so nice to see pics again. Warms my heart. Who is the other girl?  Have you all watch the Sean Combs documentary? Jesus H Christ!!! The fucking icks I get from this guy. It wouldn’t be the worst thing if someone beat and dragged him around like he does to women, I mean, I’d watch it…. A few times. Robb loves Pac so I had him watch it. He’s not even from this country and he’s all “WEST COAST!”😁  We take trivia cards when we go out to eat and did on Thanksgiving. It’s fun and starts new conversations. So Josh was reading the cards and these were True or False questions and I was just rocking that shit! ( Watch documentaries, kids! You’ll kick ass in trivia) one of the first questions was asking if mountain chickens are biological...

 Don’t worry, I’ll keep time for you all. I had a psychiatrist appointment today and I swear to you, this guy is so fucking quirky that he makes me laugh… AT HIM. Out of 35 minutes today we spent 25 minutes talking about his…. DEPRESSION! And how he has two cats( you might remember) and he’s allergic to his cats so he won’t allow them into his bedroom…. So he thinks they SPY on him under the bedroom door. Which, they probably do. They’re cats, curiosity killed the fat, not the dog, which I explain to him and he thinks they might be bipolar. 😂😂 I told him that I could come over and he says … Oh! we could be depressed together and he was all…. OMG! I’d love that! Do you like cats? To which I replied that I grew up with cats. I love cats, so he says you can hold a cat, I’ll hold a cat and we’ll watch a movie! It’s so fucking calming! And in all seriousness, if I didn’t laugh it off, I think he’d do it! But it’s like the MOST unprofessional thing besides sleeping with your doctor , t...

 Got my blood tests back and they show an issue with my kidneys… BUT. With the other issues I have going in that could be why so I’ll be tested again in a couple of weeks.  I don’t think I’m going to be able to have my surgery between that and the fact that my blood sugar has been way off the charts because I was on steroids for over a month and that kicks your blood sugar’s ass for weeks after going off. Between that and the kidneys I think they’ll drop it. It’s been so so complicated that I’m choosing to look at it like fate… maybe there’s a reason that this keeps getting messed up. But, I’m in so much pain…. Ugh. Just let it be. I can’t control any of it.  How was your thanksgiving? Ours was good and it gets easier every year. I bought tickets to the World Springs and we’re going mid- December. Going when it’s cold will suit me much better than in August when sitting in the cold plunge actually feels good. Like, ya, I can’t control any sit here all day! Which is what w...