That Girl

 Four months ago I scraped my foot on the concrete bench in the pool. You’ll remember me whining about it. My blood sugar has been medically “ uncontrolled” for a while now. That makes my A1C very high. ( A1C is a look at the previous three months to get a picture of how you’re doing) mine is bad. As it turns out, I’m resistant to insulin. My body can’t or won’t absorb it. Life is fun isn’t it? So my endocrinologist will have to come up with a plan. In the meantime.. I stood up last night at about 2am. I immediately went down. Face first into the carpet, I took a wee bit of a nap. My son and husband scraped me up and when I could I went into the bathroom to check out my face. I bit the inside of my mouth. Two lightly bruised eyes. Then, I caught my foot out of the side of my eye and saw it. Where I’d scraped my foot, it was black. The skin was black. Diabetes is dangerous for feet. I felt the terror rush through my body. My limbs felt like they were burning from the insides. Cheryl...

 Anniversaries are things. Next week will be our 33 yr anniversary and we only dated for four months before getting married. We thought that we’d just get to know each other more while married, I guess! I was still coming off of my grippy sock vacation at THE RANCH. Twenty eight day all inclusive stay including drugs to soften your landing, with strangers who quickly become close friends. For a season and a reason.  Like the Breakfast club. The drug dealer - very nice  The mama - older woman  The youngster- became my little sister… she was 19 The princess- me. Counselor’s favorite pet patient  All feeling familiar in their own ways.  All so tired of this fucking shit show. Well, that earned me another grippy sock vacation, all inclusive 28 day stay with absolutely no drugs. Also a hospital to manage my withdrawals from the drugs the ranch handed out. A whole other breakfast club The older man- followed me like a puppy… seriously… eventually he got his jaw s...

 I haven’t died. 💀😎🖤

 I’ve been so sick, like grim reaper massaging my shoulders, sick…. Ok, that part about the grim reaper is a lie…. I think. Let’s start on Friday…… I had an 8:30am doctors appointment. Josh went with us because he heard us mentioning getting breakfast.  Ok, first the doctor… Female, probably in her early 30’s. Gives me a bad vibe. I can’t put my finger on why though. There’s just something off… They didn’t take my medical history but I did sign three pages telling me what’s gonna happen to me if I miss an appointment. Ouch. She wasn’t going to take blood… We are establishing me as a new patient with pre-existing conditions. You’d get a baseline. Nope. So I asked her to. I got a few tests but not a complete blood work up. There is Christian art and Knickknacks EVERYWHERE. That automatically makes me feel uncomfortable. Nobody needs their doctor judging them or refusing treatment that they don’t agree with. The woman who took my blood… The loveliest black woman, close to my age,...

 But honestly, I’m a talker so who can say for sure. I HAD to come write about this because it’s such a “ME” story even though it’s not about me…. Ok, so get a grip, cause this is the weirdest fucking story that I may have ever told you. So, I get my near daily call from Robb and… I need to give you some history here real quick… 1) There’s a woman in his church who is also a pastor but not just any pastor, she is a Lily White pastor, as in this woman claims to have only sinned once in her 65 years on this earth. What was her sin, You ask… well, one Friday she ate beef instead of fish. She married the only man she ever “dated” there’s no proof they’ve ever had sex because there are no children, she is a straight up bitch. Now let me explain.  2)In their church there is a gay couple. She’s working overtime to get them excommunicated. Now, this isn’t a Catholic Church or any other type of church, Mormon, Jehovah’s Witness, etc…  That excommunicates.This is The Church Of Engl...

The rockiest time… I have these memories as well, going to see the boy at Jet Connection. The boy had stopped purring. His voice was cold like it was to the restaurant customers he didn’t like or a bartender he didn’t like. I was on the outer edge.  Life was still moving on for me. I’d bought my house. Chad was living with me. William sniffing around… Softball several nights a week, entire new chapter and friend group. No signs of what I’d left in that building on the Newport high-way.Then every once in a while I’d feel a tug. Test the waters. See the first reaction on a boy’s face when I saw him….  It the same as it had been. He’d also left it all in that building. Then he moved that business to a building at the bottom of five mile. Across from where there had been a drive-in theater. I’d spent so much of my pre-teens and teens there. My mom would fill big paper grocery bags with fresh popcorn, take a cooler, bring a fried and lay on the roof of our car or… you know, prance ...