That Girl

The rockiest time… I have these memories as well, going to see the boy at Jet Connection. The boy had stopped purring. His voice was cold like it was to the restaurant customers he didn’t like or a bartender he didn’t like. I was on the outer edge.  Life was still moving on for me. I’d bought my house. Chad was living with me. William sniffing around… Softball several nights a week, entire new chapter and friend group. No signs of what I’d left in that building on the Newport high-way.Then every once in a while I’d feel a tug. Test the waters. See the first reaction on a boy’s face when I saw him….  It the same as it had been. He’d also left it all in that building. Then he moved that business to a building at the bottom of five mile. Across from where there had been a drive-in theater. I’d spent so much of my pre-teens and teens there. My mom would fill big paper grocery bags with fresh popcorn, take a cooler, bring a fried and lay on the roof of our car or… you know, prance ...

 Seeing the photo of a boy and his dad where such an important part of my life took place took my breath away.  Can you even believe, Boy, that 40 years later we are still connected?  Next month will be 40 years since we got pregnant. I’ve spent every day since that photo wondering if I could walk into that building again and the truth is that I could not.  The ghosts of  86’ to ‘90 would pull me in. The feelings, the emotions, that I left in that building, I’d feel those so powerfully that I’d probably cry. That girl, I love that girl, those emotions are too strong for me to take them on again.  Then, the ghosts…. A boy’s mom, a boy’s brother, a boy’s grandparents, Maria, Jim.. so many… Then the energy from the people still swirling around, laughing, Robin, Shawna, Lars, Bob and Robbie… You. So much you in every single corner. Telling you to be steady because I’m gonna jump on your back, hours spent watching you play pool while it was soooo obvious that I ...

 First… I have an ear infection and in case you, like myself, haven’t experienced this awesome 10+ pain in the sixth circle of hell, since you were a child, I have given it a single star review on Yelp. I wouldn’t have even given a one if it hadn’t come with a migraine, I mean, it is a two for so…. Thanks. Do not recommend. Next. I’m also dancing with depression. A slow, dark, overwhelming wave of black water. This is always a bad month for me. The anniversary of my mother dying, my dad’s birthday, the birthday of my granddaughter Amelia who turned 8 and I last saw her at 2.5 years old. Swimming slows down, although, since we’re under the HEAT DOME of death, that’s helped out a bit. This is my favorite time of year but it also tends to come with depression that I can’t shake. And it’s the time of year that my asthma kicks into overdrive and last year had me in the hospital for 19 days from pneumonia that was trying to kill me. I’ve started breathing treatments already but my voice ...

 How is everyone doing? Our first fake fall is over and we’re back to heat warnings. One down, three more to go!I wore jeans a couple of days ago… it was 101 feels like 105. I WORE JEANS. That’s it! That is one step too fucking far! Wore linen pants yesterday and burnt my thigh with the seatbelt. Took me back to Arizona days and guess what, I haven’t missed it. Today I wore my SEAHAWKS jersey and bike shorts. I don’t know what my husband was thinking when he bought this jersey for me but he bought me a men’s tall. It is literally a dress on me. I just wore the shorts for just in case I needed to bend over.  Let me tell you something… Seahawks play Wednesday, the first game of the season, which is why I wore a shirt that makes me look like I’m five wearing my daddy’s shirt… The outrage from the Cowboy’s fans was palpable! The mean mugging, the comments!! Actually comments telling me that Hawks suck. I joked to the one douche and said … Listen if you were watching the last time ...

 Omg!!! I placed a memory up for sale on Etsy!!! A candle named : 1986 Scent: buttercream, vanilla and bourbon  Photos : one with the candle in headlights because of long drives               One with me hanging out the window of a red car holding the candle because of long nights.  The car always had a vanilla air freshener hanging.  I literally cried because I love it so much. In fact, I love it so much that I bought one!! Buy it, Boy. Please. Give it as a gift if you must. Hold it. Smell it. Remember.   Housewarming gift. 🥰 My baby boy turned 24 this week. We were talking about our 24 year of life and I have to tell you all this first… When I was … 22? Before I bought my house, my oldest son’s father came to meet him. If you’ve been here a long time you might remember that we went to California afterwards and I ended up standing next to a gravel driveway with a Camaro pealing out, kicking up rocks at me as he drove off...

 Do you know what I absolutely love? Candles! Nice candles. I am not a flowery candle person, nor do I like scents with clover and back to flowers, I can’t stand rose scents, I like a mellow, what’s sometime referred to as “old library” scents… tobacco, vanilla, marshmallow, smoky, dark berry etc… I own A LOT of candles and because I live, literally, next to bath and body works, I like to get darker seasonal scents.  Why am I telling you this? Well! Let me tell you! I made my first candle. I picked a candle maker, mixed my scents, blackberry and vanilla, chose my wax, coconut and apricot wax, 100% cotton wick, amber reusable jar, it’s made in the USA. Very high quality. I won’t sell cheap shit. My shirts are so soft and well made, hand died, pre-shrunk etc… Because I’m making a BRAND and Dollar Store is NOT IT. Rich, creamy, thoughtful, I want an experience. With whatever the product is. I have my very first candle up on Etsy!!!! I fucking cried!!  And guess what… no gues...