That Girl

 I was talking with a friend yesterday and the subject of regrets came up. We talked about where we live, who we dated, a child I didn’t have, opportunities we didn’t take etc…. On our deathbed what would we regret? So I’ve been thinking about that… What would I regret? First, you have to take abuse out of the equation because that’s not something that “you’ve” done. So put that in a cute little basket with penguins on it, I love me a penguin. I can’t “ regret” living where I’ve lived because, why? It was necessary at the time. Who I’ve dated… I mean, I would have thought of William for fucking sure but, do I ? I mean that whole breaking my shell, trying to commit suicide wasn’t him. It just happened to be the last straw. But, if I hadn’t gone through that I wouldn’t have had the tiny seed planted inside me that started the long process of naming and blaming who did what to me. It was the first time that I could say “ sexually abused” and “ my mother” in the same sentence. I couldn...

 Did you notice what happened in my last blog post?! You guys got to see how my brain works in real time! I was asked a question that brought up something really violent that happened to me. I had put it in a box but a few weeks ago it came on out with tap shoes and when I was asked the question about the medicine that does that (intentionally to help me deal with boxed up stuff that I might not remember but your body remembers and it can be the reason why you have certain “triggers” or responses to certain things so it gently releases the memories and you don’t experience it like you’re still there. It’s supposed to be like looking through a window. Sometimes it’s rougher than usual but still… ) Anyway, I was supposed to be answering another question but my brain put that memory back into a box real quick which put me on a different train track and boom! I adjusted and went on to something else, even though I numbered it as if to answer the next question! How fucking efficient is ...

 Hola Amigos! Have some questions so let’s answer 1) I loved the Dark Wizard. I was happy to see you recommend it. It’s so good! I’m glad that you agree! 2) Do you still take the medicine that slowly lets out memories? What’s it called? I don’t feel comfortable giving the name. Ask your doctor. Yes, I take it. I had a huge memory come back about a month ago. It was really dark. I won’t get into details, what I will say is that I went from living with someone “the old guy” to emergency moving in with my mom and her husband. I could never remember why or what happened. But I knew it had to be a big something because my mom’s husband’s nickname for me was Coke Whore, and who would choose to do that if it wasn’t a last ditch effort? So, I know now and it….. well, anyway… Next!!! 3) I had a great Mother’s Day. I got a super cute Tuckernuck dress, some Bomba slippers and socks and I do love me some new socks!!! A milky perfume and a couple candles…I only wanted to stay home and watch a m...

 Here’s something that I don’t know if I’ve ever shared… I love mountain climbing documentaries, but the kind where a disaster happens, you know like how a climber’s body ends up being left on Everest… kind of thing… they scare me in a roller coaster type of way. So I watched The Dark Wizard which is about Dean Potter who was a world famous rock climber known for his free climbing, meaning he didn’t use any equipment to keep himself from falling to his death. He didn’t use any! He did  this all over the word but loved Yosemite National Park. Then he started diving off cliffs with a Wing suit which looks a lot like a Sugar Glider. You know from the beginning that there’s going to be a tragedy but you don’t know how. It’s four episodes on HBO. I can not recommend this more. It’s so good but the entire time you have that feeling that you’re tick tick tick ticking up the roller coaster before the descent. Your tummy flutters from the jump. So well made. You’re gonna feel like you ...

 I had to do it.  Last week our community had a bingo night thing and Joshua wanted to go and drag me with him. All the women in the building love him and mother him so they always ask him to go to these things… they don’t ask me.  Anyway they had seven prizes . A popcorn maker, one of those hotel scent devices, doughnut maker, electric wine opener, an Italian olive oil sprayer, and a S’mores maker… I wanted that one badly!! In the summer they bring out the s’mores maker and I love that but not enough to buy one because we just wouldn’t use it enough… but if it’s free….. I won the first bingo which was the popcorn maker, then Josh wine the hotel thing, then I won the doughnut maker. Then Josh won the wine opener, someone won the olive oil thing and then I won the S’mores maker. There were 120 people there! It’s the little things, man. It felt like my birthday! 😀 People were fucking pissed. Our mail lockers are inside the clubhouse and this man walked in and jokingly yell...

 The good news is that tornado season is over in 6 weeks…. The bad news… we are neck deep in tornadoes. I say this every year that I hate this time of year. Where my YM is it’s going to snow this week….no, I’m not crying, you are! Ok, ready?!  Bar book club buddy-Mickey Rourke 9 1/2 weeks-Maybe roofied me?- 98%. Sure he was an undercover DEA agent…. Everyone called him Motorcycle Bob. Because his name was Bob (but was it?) and he drove a motorcycle… we gave most people nicknames like the guy who serviced the jukebox was Jukebox Dave…It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to come up with these names… We mostly talked about the book we were reading… lots of Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Anne Rice( ps, I’m friends with her sone who is also a writer and very catholic and lovely in every way, Christopher, and I speak every couple of months. He went to Israel a couple of years ago and wrote to ask me if there was anything specific the he could pray over me. Sweet man) ANYWAY!!! Sorry about...