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Talking…

 Why doesn’t a boy tell me anything when I open up most of my life? A grandchild on the way? My heart stopped. If I’m honest, when I’d heard that you’d had your first child my heart stopped too. What is it? The “could have been” the “what if,” the “if only”….grabs ahold of my heart. There is a love he has not felt. You think you love a woman, then you look into your children’s eyes and think that that is the peak of love. That that has opened your heart in ways one thought wasn’t possible. That their heart could not expand any further. Then, you look down into the eyes of a grandchild and the love almost hurts. This child is part of you. The thought is mind blowing. When I looked into Lincoln’s eyes I felt as though he was THE missing piece in my heart. I loved him larger than the universe. ( keeping in mind that I never saw Des-mond as a new born AND I always knew that his mother would want to get rid of us so I had a wall up) I found my light when I looked in his eyes. I felt him...
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I’m this old….

 Went swimming, obviously, then floated around for a few minutes on our hammock floaty thing, then swam, then had to get the hell out after 2 hrs because it was only 111 degrees and I literally felt my skin sizzle…. So I didn’t run up bleachers, I didn’t high jump, I didn’t fight anyone up here in these streets, just swimmy, float, swimmy, get the fuck out. I’m walking up the stairs that lead out of the pool and suddenly I can’t walk on my left foot. Hmmm, that’s weird, take a step, pain shoots up through my ankle to my calf…. That was yesterday. Can I walk on it now? No. Also my left pointer finger is swollen and bruised…( no, that’s not where nail girl cut me) just… can’t move it. Same type of pain though. How in the hell did I get injured to the point of being unable to put pressure on my ankle or type with my left hand? Is that the age I am now? Oh shit! I coughed and my back blew out, old?  Uh oh! I sneezed and broke my collarbone! I have some tea! Wanna hear it? Ok, cool...
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So, We Meet again!

 Hey. So let’s jump right into what I’m so excited about!!! I’ve made the first of my own line of shirts!!!! I have spent like 50 hours trying to learn all about design and drop shipping and yesterday my brain broke. I was trying to put quotation marks around a saying and I could not remember how. Like…. I WRITE…. And my brain was in neutral. Just buzzing while stuck on upload. Could not figure it out. I knew then it was time to call it a day. My first shirt is definitely NOT my darker line coming out but I also have an inspirational section and also a funny section but I spent all the hours on this shirt thinking it would be the least difficult…. My God, if that’s true my brain is gonna fall out of my ears. I’ve also made my own marking to start placing on my shirts, they are all being copyrighted so my little marking will help with that, like a water mark kind of thing but more like a what a wax stamp looks like…. If I can perfect that. I’m feeling too old to be learning this!! I...
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Back, so soon?

 Hey everyone! A few things to talk about… 1) my Mi-ya….. has a brain tumor right between her eyes. It’s causing her headaches and vision issues and I mean, brain tumor! They’re hoping that it’s some kind of tumor that isn’t cancer and is usually found right there. She’s scared. I’m scared. We’re all scared. So, whatever you do, thoughts, prayers, intentions or candle lighting…Whatever, please do. 2)I’ve fallen down this rabbit hole of watching this YouTube Channel called Love Luxury and now my brain thinks that I can’t live without a Hermes Kelly Bag, gorgeous girlie, and the Women’s Rolex Datejust Blue Diamond Dial Watch… I mean, she’s a pretty girl! I’ll give you my address if you’re interested.  3)I finally, after two years, put my copper penny art on Etsy. I’m so fucking excited!!! I LOVE these. They take forever to make, not two years, but a couple of weeks, but you just zone out putting Pennies down, put my music on. Flow on, baby!  4) I’m so tan that I’m changing ...
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You’ll hate me….

I have something that I’m going to write about. It’s a tough health concern about my Mi-ya. I’m processing so come back for that….. I know it sucks to post that but my tism or anxiety makes me need to get it off my chest.  My anxiety is a panic attack storm right now but much of it is because I’m working soooo hard on buying, making, photographing items and designing my shop. It’s a good feeling but my body can’t tell the difference between THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL AND FUN!!!! And IM SITTING IM A CANOE BEING ATTACKED BY SHARKS!!!  But, add in my lovely girl’s health scare. It’s deeply disturbing.  Also, weirdness, I’m having nightmares every night. I even had a night terror and I haven’t had one of those for a long time. In my dreams, my brother is hunting me down, horrific weapons, to kill me. It’s very weird and very unusual. Like, where would this come from?! I even take medication to stop that from happening!  But! I’m designing t-shirts!!! I can’t put them on ins...
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Life…. it’s hard sometimes..

 Got a call last night from one of my very best friends. Let me tell you about her first, I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned her on here before. Her name is Heather. We met when I was 22 and she was 18. Her and Chad worked together at a hotel downtown. She was in his friend group and he moved in with me when I bought my house. Before that he and I lived at the old guys house. Old guy’s son Darrin moved in with me too.  She came with the package. Beautiful curly brown hair, freckles, the greenest eyes you’ve ever seen. She’d “dated” Chad.  ( hard for me to not call him by his last name because that’s what he always went by but we don’t need snoopy snoops snooping him up!) I met her the night she called the house at 2am to ask Chad to bail her out of jail. Everyone knew that Chad and I had a “thing” but it was so informal that we didn’t even share a bedroom. It was great. My heart had taken a beating and this was warm and cozy. No stress. No expectations. No unrequited lov...
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It’s been a minute…

 I’m so busy!!! I’m completely revamping my Etsy store. I’ll be removing some items, I’ve added sections so it’s easy to find exactly what you’re looking for and it’s a lot darker in feel… well, it will be after I get 150 items into their new section. I made a new banner today but I need to tweak it a little to include “ find the beauty in the darkness” I’ve been curating a ton of new items that will be a perfect fit for the vibe. I’ll still have most of my other jewelry for bread and butter pieces plus I have $3500 in antique china that was my great grandmother’s. And just bought another full 12 setting plus serving bowls for $85 but it’s worth about $3000 for it. These are going to take me ages to stage and photograph them because I think that I’ll be piecing them out. It would be hundreds of dollars to ship entire 12 settings plus all the serving and gravy dishes. People would know that but to wrap and ensure that something so delicate gets there in one piece is VERY difficult i...
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