That Girl

 I haven’t died. 💀😎🖤

 I’ve been so sick, like grim reaper massaging my shoulders, sick…. Ok, that part about the grim reaper is a lie…. I think. Let’s start on Friday…… I had an 8:30am doctors appointment. Josh went with us because he heard us mentioning getting breakfast.  Ok, first the doctor… Female, probably in her early 30’s. Gives me a bad vibe. I can’t put my finger on why though. There’s just something off… They didn’t take my medical history but I did sign three pages telling me what’s gonna happen to me if I miss an appointment. Ouch. She wasn’t going to take blood… We are establishing me as a new patient with pre-existing conditions. You’d get a baseline. Nope. So I asked her to. I got a few tests but not a complete blood work up. There is Christian art and Knickknacks EVERYWHERE. That automatically makes me feel uncomfortable. Nobody needs their doctor judging them or refusing treatment that they don’t agree with. The woman who took my blood… The loveliest black woman, close to my age,...

 But honestly, I’m a talker so who can say for sure. I HAD to come write about this because it’s such a “ME” story even though it’s not about me…. Ok, so get a grip, cause this is the weirdest fucking story that I may have ever told you. So, I get my near daily call from Robb and… I need to give you some history here real quick… 1) There’s a woman in his church who is also a pastor but not just any pastor, she is a Lily White pastor, as in this woman claims to have only sinned once in her 65 years on this earth. What was her sin, You ask… well, one Friday she ate beef instead of fish. She married the only man she ever “dated” there’s no proof they’ve ever had sex because there are no children, she is a straight up bitch. Now let me explain.  2)In their church there is a gay couple. She’s working overtime to get them excommunicated. Now, this isn’t a Catholic Church or any other type of church, Mormon, Jehovah’s Witness, etc…  That excommunicates.This is The Church Of Engl...

The rockiest time… I have these memories as well, going to see the boy at Jet Connection. The boy had stopped purring. His voice was cold like it was to the restaurant customers he didn’t like or a bartender he didn’t like. I was on the outer edge.  Life was still moving on for me. I’d bought my house. Chad was living with me. William sniffing around… Softball several nights a week, entire new chapter and friend group. No signs of what I’d left in that building on the Newport high-way.Then every once in a while I’d feel a tug. Test the waters. See the first reaction on a boy’s face when I saw him….  It the same as it had been. He’d also left it all in that building. Then he moved that business to a building at the bottom of five mile. Across from where there had been a drive-in theater. I’d spent so much of my pre-teens and teens there. My mom would fill big paper grocery bags with fresh popcorn, take a cooler, bring a fried and lay on the roof of our car or… you know, prance ...

 Seeing the photo of a boy and his dad where such an important part of my life took place took my breath away.  Can you even believe, Boy, that 40 years later we are still connected?  Next month will be 40 years since we got pregnant. I’ve spent every day since that photo wondering if I could walk into that building again and the truth is that I could not.  The ghosts of  86’ to ‘90 would pull me in. The feelings, the emotions, that I left in that building, I’d feel those so powerfully that I’d probably cry. That girl, I love that girl, those emotions are too strong for me to take them on again.  Then, the ghosts…. A boy’s mom, a boy’s brother, a boy’s grandparents, Maria, Jim.. so many… Then the energy from the people still swirling around, laughing, Robin, Shawna, Lars, Bob and Robbie… You. So much you in every single corner. Telling you to be steady because I’m gonna jump on your back, hours spent watching you play pool while it was soooo obvious that I ...

 First… I have an ear infection and in case you, like myself, haven’t experienced this awesome 10+ pain in the sixth circle of hell, since you were a child, I have given it a single star review on Yelp. I wouldn’t have even given a one if it hadn’t come with a migraine, I mean, it is a two for so…. Thanks. Do not recommend. Next. I’m also dancing with depression. A slow, dark, overwhelming wave of black water. This is always a bad month for me. The anniversary of my mother dying, my dad’s birthday, the birthday of my granddaughter Amelia who turned 8 and I last saw her at 2.5 years old. Swimming slows down, although, since we’re under the HEAT DOME of death, that’s helped out a bit. This is my favorite time of year but it also tends to come with depression that I can’t shake. And it’s the time of year that my asthma kicks into overdrive and last year had me in the hospital for 19 days from pneumonia that was trying to kill me. I’ve started breathing treatments already but my voice ...