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Just a day…

 First, I cannot get that photo uploaded!! I can’t put it on instagram but I might send it through a message if I can so keep and eye out for it. This reminds me that I’ve wanted to explain this for 12 years. I got a phone call from a boy from Las Vegas. I was so nervous that I froze. Couldn’t talk, was so shy and timid and then I ruined it….. A boy said he loved me and my mind was processing at lightning speed and instead of stopping and acknowledging that moment I chose to let it go and sit in the moment. Absorb it. Feel it as I’d wanted to hear those words for decades, right, I thought if I didn’t jump on it I’d look less needy. I thought if I sat with it and pretended that it was normal to hear. That I was someone who heard this from him as a regular thing. I didn’t hear what he was talking about after that. I just sat in it and he was hurt or embarrassed or let down, that I didn’t comment right then. I didn’t say it back. I was letting it wash over me. I’m sorry about that. I ...
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It’s Been a minute…

Let’s try Q&A again…. I got several versions of this: I’m sorry that your post turned into a bad memory. Talk to someone if you need to. It’s ok to cry. Those were so sweet. Thank you. It was…. Weird. 1) happy question! I know you like perfumes, have you tried the Bridgerton ones? Omg!! I’ve bought two because I don’t think they’ll be restocked and I love it! It’s the Dearest Gentle Hydrangea Eau de Parfum. I could roll around in this. Perfection and I’ll probably need to get a few more. 2) weren’t you supposed to get your new ID?  Got it today!!!! I believe I can fly…. Leaving on a jet plane…. Jet City Woman!  3) How is your son… Wee One…  So sweet that you called him that! He’s good. He spent a week with his sister in Colorado last week and he’s been good. He knows that we are a safe place for him which is what’s most important. 4) Did you have that bladder surgery? Nope. Not gonna. The way my body reacted to the invasive test they gave me, lots of blood, clots, bit...
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Ok. Let’s do this…

 By the way, I’m starting to transition a little bit away from Etsy and more towards EBay. My stuff is selling much faster there and, well, that brings joy. If you want my link contact me. Q&A ! Woot!!! Got called out in this email… 1) you said you were going to tell us how you found out that you’re allergic to tequila. Spill the tea! Ok.. Ok…. So, I’ve talked about a guy who used to come in to the bar part of where I worked. I called him motorcycle Bob. He had a kind of  Mickey Rourke in 91/2 Weeks vibe. We had a two person book club. He’d come in and if I wasn’t doing something else I’d saddle up next to him and we’d discuss the book. I loved it because, to be honest, men didn’t really treat me like I had a brain. And, back in the day women did kind of dumb themselves down on the outside. I hated that. He listened to me. Also, I’m 99% sure that he was undercover DEA. That’s a whole other story. A girl came to work there, her name was Amber, and when I swerved he started ...
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Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End…

 Today is my daughter’s last day in Texas. She’s moving to Colorado, a state safer for women than Texas.  I’m proud of her and happy for this new adventure. I’m sad that I won’t feel her here anymore.  I really need to get the fuck out of the southwest. I’m so over it. I need mountains and rivers that don’t run with red mud. I need lakes that don’t come with water moccasins and alligators. I need to wear a coat more than one or two days per year. I need clean air and water that doesn’t taste like shit, I mean, at least Texas has water that’s better than Arizona but not by a lot. I need green grass and red leaves and snow. I need to be somewhere where they think that 95 degrees is fucking hot instead of too cold to swim in. I want to go camping without it either being too hot or too dangerous because of the animals, snakes and spiders.  I don’t want these things. I need them. When my dad’s wife dies I’ll have several acres of land in Washington, Deer Park, to be exact...
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Columbine

 I have an upcoming video about the Columbine school massacre and it’s leaving me furious. That massacre happened close to 30 years ago and nothing has changed. One of the victims had said that she wanted to change the world, her death was fruitless. This many years later, school shooters still look up to those two boys, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. They want to be as famous or even more famous.  Our government has done exactly nothing to stop these shootings. No new gun laws. No mandatory school safety measures such as safe rooms or locks on doors requiring fingerprints, no bullet proof glass. Nothing. So, some schools might have a safety officer but in the case of of the Uvalde Texas shooter the safety officer ran away and the police department waited outside of the school for 77 minutes while the rampage carried on. They did arrest parents who were trying to break windows to get their children out which of course is an “obviously” when it comes to this country’s police fo...
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My Birthday!!

 March 16 1968. That’s the day I was born…..FIFTY EIGHT years ago. Lord help me! On the 20th it’s a boys 60th birthday.  How is that possible? Seriously. That’s nuts! I feel like I’m in my 20’s but much wiser! I didn’t realize that our brain feels so much younger then we are.  Anyway! Do you know what that means? It means that it’s been almost, within a few weeks, 40 years since I heard a boy’s voice being proud of his new bomber jacket. It made my heart melt and I’d never even seen him. Just a voice that sounded like a little boy who was proud of his new Easter Clothes. Then I met him at the cash register where my mom told him that his mom had just hired me. He told me to come in the following Saturday so he could show me the ropes. I walked out of there and told my mother that I was gonna get him. I went that Saturday. The alarm must not have gone off because he didn’t come out of the kitchen. I could hear him with his girlfriend so I sat down and waited for her little ...
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When your world shifts….

 This is going to be one of the most, if not the most, personal thing I’ve ever written which is pretty hard to do…. I’m writing to mark this time, before and after, I use this as a diary and a way to work through all the things. I can look back almost 24 years ago and read when I called Joshua “ Wee one” in my blogs.  He’s 23 years old. He’s not like my other kids. He’s the most open hearted, kind, Emotionally intelligent, loyal, protective, big brown eyed beauty who radiates a calm strength, always saying “I love you” and he literally thanks us for his meals. The gratefulness this child has is inspiring. He’s on the autism spectrum and aren’t we all? And I love him with the intensity of a thousand suns. This is the child that God told me that I was going to have. We knew from day one that he had a purpose for our lives and I believe that that purpose was a calm lake in a sea of pain.  This week he sat next to me at my desk and asked if we could talk. He was shaking so b...
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