Talking…

First….. 


How are my Spokane friends? I’m worried about you. The fires are all over the national news. My kid’s friend lost his pet because of the fires, the smoke killed it. We had two huge fires in the area I grew up in and I remember how terrifying it was. Please let me know how you are, please! 

I wrote the next part yesterday.

Why doesn’t a boy tell me anything when I open up most of my life? A grandchild on the way? My heart stopped.

If I’m honest, when I’d heard that you’d had your first child my heart stopped too.

What is it? The “could have been” the “what if,” the “if only”….grabs ahold of my heart.

There is a love he has not felt. You think you love a woman, then you look into your children’s eyes and think that that is the peak of love. That that has opened your heart in ways one thought wasn’t possible. That their heart could not expand any further. Then, you look down into the eyes of a grandchild and the love almost hurts. This child is part of you. The thought is mind blowing. When I looked into Lincoln’s eyes I felt as though he was THE missing piece in my heart. I loved him larger than the universe. ( keeping in mind that I never saw Des-mond as a new born AND I always knew that his mother would want to get rid of us so I had a wall up) I found my light when I looked in his eyes. I felt him in me…. In fact! Biologically speaking the mother of a female child actually means that she has carried her grandchild in her own uterus!!! Mad-ison had all the eggs she’d ever have while she was developing in me. As the grandmother who had carried Lincoln in my own body I felt, this familiarity, the immense feeling of pure pure love that was bigger than anything I’d ever experienced. I wasn’t going to have to parent this child. I didn’t have to carry all the small fears, the endless feedings…. My job was purely to surround this being with immense love. 

A boy is gonna be knocked off his feet. 

Then he’ll understand a small part of what it must feel like to have that taken from you. I pray that he never ever comes anywhere close to that.

Such good news. Throw me a bone over here, man.

Song: Sweet Child O’Mine sung by Jae Hall

That’s the song that reminds me of my YM. Love it!

Goodnight, see the moon

Me

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