Get out of here!

 No fucking way!!!!

Yes, it’s true…. I’ve been accepted by Amazon to make and sell adult coloring books through Amazon!!!! 

No, not THAT kind of adult!

Books for adults to color AND to create and sell journals and date planners!!!!

Bonus, I’m selling shirts bitches!!! I’ve even done two bespoke shirts!!! They’re popular! MY ART IS POPULAR!!! I really could just cry!!

The best part, for both the shirts and books, I design them and choose things like shirt types ( 100% American grow cotton, pre-shrunk, hand-dyed btw!)  Then I’m done. The creation and distribution is done by the company I hire. My shirts ship from Florida! 

I bought samples of the shirts and they are gorgeous! I’ve been wearing them out and about and I love that the back has my company name on it. 

I’m proud of myself. 😊😎

Here’s where I’m a Scottish warrior…. 

A short time  ago my anxiety was spinning out and I just kept having this thought that I needed to get a lawyer to send my aunt paperwork to either give me the inheritance I was owed, that she stole, or we’ll go to court to prove that she did two things… to my grandma, who had diagnosed dementia, to a lawyer to have her write my brother out of her will. Now I wasn’t opposed to him being written out, I mean, I was only one hundred thousand ( only? I mean… that’s a good amount. I mean compared to what was to come to me) but it would have been gone is seconds… my issue is that she was perfectly willing to break the law and when my grandma died my aunt didn’t put her will into probate so she could hide it… funny though, when my grandpa died it was ME who finalized all his funeral plans. They’d already had everything good to go and paid for, I called the newspaper to put in the obit, I got the clothes he wanted and I called the funeral home to get everything rolling. I took the calls with questions. I SAW THE WILLS!!!!!     ( btw, the perfect daughter and her perfect kids, my aunt and cousins) did NOTHING. Look at me! The black sheep was the trusted one!!! I can not express how much that meant to me. From being shunned for a teen pregnancy to her trusted confidant. 

I know how much she stole. I was to get 6 million. My share and my brother's would have been share if he’d been normal, they put in the one hundred thousand for him) 

When my grandma died I waited two months, no probate, no word at all. Now, my grandma would give us $10,000-20,000 here and there as gifts. Or buy a car or the down payment on a house… everyone knew that was inheritance money. 

Back then ten was the max for gifts so they’d gift me and then another gift to Jd, which was actually mine but we were married after all but is why I hyphenated my last my name. Transactions like that came to Tracy B-r-a-y. So I’m going to estimate that it was probably close to a million and each kid ( me and my cousins) were supposed to have the same amount given but Bonnie told me once that my mom had told her that she thought MY inheritance should be split between me and my FOUR cousins. Can I just say here that there is no fucking chance in hell that MY MOTHER would have EVER done that. NEVER. She wasn’t even close to my aunt let alone her kids. Now, my mom had some… issues… but she would have considered that taking an L and my mother would rather cut her hand off than take an L. She would NEVER have showed a kindness to them in any way and if there is one person in the world that I am an expert on, it’s my mother.

So, five million-ish.

When I asked my aunt about it she flew off the handle. Fucking furious. Like white out furious…. Which I’d seen before once…. When I received a letter in the mail in regards to a life insurance policy my grandparents took on on Jd. It was stock based and they were changing something so I, figuring that her kid’s spouse’s has one too, asked her what choice I should make.

Surprise!!!! Her kids did not have this. She lost her fucking mind. She screamed at me saying… “ why would they do this for YOU( with an ICK face) and not MY CHILDREN. Well, uh, looks like I was up and coming from shunned to shiny. And her kids were not. Poor things. 

My brain froze. She mailed me, sit down because this is nuts, an invoice of every penny that was ever given to my mother since my mother was 18 years old and then moved all the way to me. 

Excuse me, what the fuck does that have to do with MY MONEY THAT IM OWED? 

I was not brave. I backed down and did nothing. I’d been abused. The yelling triggered me ( I know that word sucks but it’s what happened) I’d shut up so that I was “ good”

Remember when I told you she list her shit when I waked to her house from my kindergarten, ya, I was always less than to her. We’d go clothes shopping with my cousin who was like a sister to me, she was a little thick, not huge thick, just thicker than me, and for God’s sake, her dad weighed 600lbs, so I mean, not shocking… anyway, my cousin would cry EVERY FUCKING TIME, and my aunt would YELL AT ME…. IN THE MALL!!! For embarrassing my cousin… you know, by trying on clothes… like wtf? Things like this is why my mom and aunt fought like dogs. 

Anyway, my mom was also a teller, my dad was a teller, it makes me shrink.

So I did nothing…. I let her steal from me. 

My husband ragged on me. My kids ragged on me. My friends ragged on me. I woke up a bit ago and realized that my aunt is 83 and not getting any younger….

So I had her served!!’

Bitch, yell at me now and you will meet someone who NEVER EVER gets small anymore. I also learned from the craziest bitch on earth ( my mom)  how to rip you from chimney to cellar and crush your world . Yell at me. I fucking dare you.

But, also, she doesn’t have to because I have kept DEEP secrets for years. My aunt having an affair, my younger cousin fucking every guy friend of mine that she could get her legs around ( we were also close at one time) while she was MARRIED. My cousin who’d been like my sister told everyone that my oldest daughter was cousin’s husband’s baby… let’s draw that in crayon.

Me + my husband = Om…. Reality 

Me + her husband = Om… batshit crazy. 

But!!!!!! He did tell me that they sold drugs and had their house “ robbed” to file a fraudulent insurance claim.

I sent them letters dressing them down… but I did it in one letter to each and included them all so they can be shocked together and find out some shit together about each other. That should be fun…. I did concede one thing…. I didn’t mail the letter to cheating cousins home so her husband wouldn’t  get a chance to read it. I’m not looking to ruin a 36 year marriage. That would be very much not in my character…. I want to free myself from protecting people who never would protect me. This is coming clean and making them accountable. Hurting an innocent party isn’t ok.

Which, by the way, is why I have given advice to two people very close to me to NEVER EVER come clean about an affair to make yourself feel better. It so fucking selfish. You know what makes you feel better? Not killing your spouse to get something off of your chest. Stand by that. 

My lawyer asked wtf took me so long… Fear. Fear of making someone mad at me. Them, actually, not just someone, specifically them. 

In the last 10 or so years I’ve slowly confronted people who hurt me…. And before that, four days before my mother died I confronted her on being a pedo and a predator!!! FOUR DAYS! And every time that I have it feels like taking bricks off my chest. Let it fly free from me. Stop holding that anger, that rage, in my mind and heart. Give it back to where it belongs. 

I’m a warrior. Sometimes it just takes a minute. 

I’m proud of myself. 

And this is my novel today as I basically sat down and just free fell. There are bound to be a tons of mistakes. Please ignore them. 

Song: Bad Guy by Billie Eilish… sexy. 

Night luvs!

Feel me in that warm breeze. 

Tracy