That Girl

 At this exact moment one week ago I coded. I’m having panic attack thinking about it. Where do I start? At the beginning I suppose. This will take a couple of posts. Had a doctors appointment at 9 am Oct 22. I’d been coughing non stop. Fainting. This appointment was why I hadn’t already gone to the ER. I need surgery and I need it quick so I could NOT miss it.  By the time we got out my cough seemed to be waning a bit. I suggested that we get breakfast before we go to the hospital, I’ve learned enough to know that once you hit that ER you might not eat or drink again for a LONG time.  When we left the restaurant I was exhausted. My breathing was difficult and I was back to uncontrollable coughing. I’d literally packed a bag for the hospital and my comfort items like a blanket that’s super cozy, facial spray, sports bras, room spray ( the scent calms me) plus all the chargers in the world, two pairs of AirPods, iPad etc… might as well go… The ER was packed. I checked in a...

 So…. I started thinking ( I know, I just set that one up so easily it would be shitty if you took that swing) that if If Christianity took most of its parts from Pagans, then maybe I should start looking into…… Here’s where it shocks the hell out of everyone I know….. Takes a TURN, Girl…Paganism.  I’m letting that sit there for a moment…. Here’s the deal, there is proof of Christ. Many religious texts including Muslim and Hinduism speak about Christ . (There’s more but my freaking chest is wheezing, I’m coughing my lungs back out and I had an emergency televisit with my doc today and had an entire three minutes to look presentable. Ya, I did stand in my closet and wonder…. Do I absolutely HAVE to wear a bra though? I’m gonna let y’all wonder which way I went…Trying to stop a new bout of pneumonia because…. DIANE KEATON, my muse! Died from pneumonia and that scared the hell out of me… I mean, she was 79, but still!!! This shit kills people!! Sorry, that was a detour…..)  ...

 You never really know. I’m chatty so while I hope to wrap up this crisis of faith today, we’ll see…. Real quick trip back to Paganism…. Also, witchcraft….Back in the day…. Like WAY WAY back in the day there were people who practiced magic. In fact there’s a lot of people who still do and even call themselves witches. Now, let me clarify, no actual “witch” was killed in the witch hunts. The people who were killed were healers, midwives, scientists who studied alchemy and had the first of the modern apothecaries in “modern times.” The former is still used today in modern chemistry and psychology. The latter still used and integrated into modern medicine. Those practices and some ancient Egyptian spells for everything from luck to death were incorporated in some darker sects of paganism and Wicca. They wrote books about their beliefs and spells. Those are called Grimoires and they are still around to this day. Ok, phew, all that to say that catholicism had a real problem with this be...

  I hope you read all the things that Christians stole from Pagans. It’s an important part of my crisis. Next: finding out that literally thousands of religions, current and ancient have a “ flood” story in them. What confused me were the religions that were thousand of years older than Christianity had not only a flood story but also a VIRGIN BIRTH story. So, ok, that many religious agree on a flood story, just not necessarily in the same time frame. Even science has discovered proof of a massive flood. So, I’m good with that…. But the virgin birth story seems a little…. Odd. It’s not like they are all talking about Mary, but someone representing their religion. So just a few are Christianity and Islam. But also  Hinduism, ancient Egyptians,   Greek mythology, Aztec Mythology,Mongolian legends,  Native American traditions and Japanese folklore and that’s literally just a few out of hundreds. So I wondered…. Was that stolen from ancient religions? Worshipping Mary… P...

 This is ultimately going to be cut way back from my initial idea for this post. For one, I don’t need to make this my thesis. It’s just us guys hanging out. Two, I don’t have the physical or mental capacity to dig a hole to China with all the facts… which means that I’m not even going to put specific scripture. You can look them up if you want to go down a rabbit hole but I’m gonna try and knock this out in a reasonable amount of time and it’s just not possible to do from inside the rabbit hole. So, remember that I was skeptical of the fact that no pastor would veer off into the “ You know what? I don’t know the answer to that.” Which I was desperately looking for…. HONESTY. Not some Post It Note bullshit they’d been taught to wiggle out of the hard questions. It made me feel like they were A) liars B) too egotistical to admit they didn’t know C) treated people as if they were so stupid that they’d just swallow some bullshit excuse for why the BIBLE refers to more than one God. P...

 I feel like I might be tuning a corner!!!! I, being a medical professional in my own mind, started just taking a shot of Fireball when I couldn’t get a grip on the cough. Now don’t go taking advice from a stranger in the internet tubes, but it helped me sleep and I needed the sleep. I even put a little airplane sized bottle next to my bed for just in case and, I think it’s been working some cinnamon magic. Next month I’ll figure out what to do about being an alcoholic. 1 out of 12 steps at a time…. Am I right? Of course I’m not right! Fuck that shit! I have an appointment today with my orthopedic surgeon to talk about surgery on my knees. Man, being a kid in the country did some damage on those guys. This appointment is really the last on my list of importance but it came up first. Hey! I qualified for ketamine and I’ve hit my out of pocket for the year so, I mean, you bring the fireball and I’ll bring the existential crisis! Actually, I’m not allowed to keep it in my home. The do...