This is it! ( hopefully!)

 So…. I started thinking ( I know, I just set that one up so easily it would be shitty if you took that swing) that if If Christianity took most of its parts from Pagans, then maybe I should start looking into…… Here’s where it shocks the hell out of everyone I know….. Takes a TURN, Girl…Paganism. 

I’m letting that sit there for a moment…. Here’s the deal, there is proof of Christ. Many religious texts including Muslim and Hinduism speak about Christ . (There’s more but my freaking chest is wheezing, I’m coughing my lungs back out and I had an emergency televisit with my doc today and had an entire three minutes to look presentable. Ya, I did stand in my closet and wonder…. Do I absolutely HAVE to wear a bra though? I’m gonna let y’all wonder which way I went…Trying to stop a new bout of pneumonia because…. DIANE KEATON, my muse! Died from pneumonia and that scared the hell out of me… I mean, she was 79, but still!!! This shit kills people!! Sorry, that was a detour…..) 

Ahem, where was I? Oh, Christ. To be honest the whole three God’s make one thing becomes convoluted when God inserts himself into Mary and then gets himself CRUCIFIED ( damn! That has got to be so painful!) but before that he prays to himself to please let him skip the whole hanging from a cross but… himself says he has to do it? Was there not a better, less painful way? Like let’s rip back the velvet curtain and let’s see this Wizard of OZ guy…. Zero pain involved AND! As an added bonus, more people would believe you! Why would God have nothing better to do than test us while telling us that we’re made in his image and are his children? That sounds like a tiny little narcissist, right? I just can’t wrap my brain around that, which goes back to MEN wrote the Bible. Most had never even met Jesus but they write about him….? Men needed power and control. What better way than twisting the unknown and making it scary. If it was all rainbows and unicorns there’d be NO CONTROL. 

However…. Let’s get pack to Pagan real quick, ( had a nebulizer treatment and now I’m going a hundred miles per minute… sorry!) I love the idea of being connected to everything by energy. Trees are super smart, read up on how they communicate… And mushrooms! holy shit!! Their root system is so complicated and intricate and they connect to everything. I watched scientists hook up thinga majigs to these plants and their energy play MUSIC!!! wtf!?And that animals feel love and connection and I love using herbal remedies, which I’ve done for 30 years. Even science says “ Want to feel less anxious, go touch grass. Go listen to water. Sit by a tree. Watch birds… it’s calming.” And in paganism the women are powerful, intelligent, protective, loving, seekers of knowledge and I love that. They aren’t written out. They are beloved.

I’ve started incorporating some of those things into my life and the jewelry I wear. Stones, crystals etc… these things have been used since the dawn of time. Why stop now? I love a protective evil eye which has been handed down through millennia. 

I believe the Bible is…. Possibly, maybe, probably not real. There. I said it. I do believe in God. To me, science proves there’s a God. Have you seen the fucking odds of actually becoming pregnant and carrying a baby? Astronomical! If the sun, moon, earth being EXACTLY where they need to be for life? How we aren’t a chicken when we’re born but our embryos and a chicken’s embryos look the EXACT fucking same!!! Life! It’s a goddamn miracle and it’s not because we came from sludge, I mean, I’ve met a few people who “ might” have come from sludge and we’ve all seen that one guy who looks like the missing link… don’t lie! is evolution real, of course, but by design, in my little head, we see things become what they are through evolution every day. An apple tree, a horse, a kitten, a tree and flower…….. Don’t be stupid people! Science supports all the things you believe God can do and evolution is real.

YM once had me look up “ is God Real?” So… I did and its explanation was so simple… walk through a forest and see a stack of rocks piled like a pyramid. You don’t say that that just happened. You KNOW that someone made it( PS ever since then I will randomly pile rocks into pyramids for people to find) I thought that was so good. 

I had a profound near death experience in the hospital that left me weeping for days. Messages to me, from my dad but I felt like it only looked like my dad so I’d be open to accepting what was being told to me. Things about the situation with my kids was one and the very night I got home I called YM and cried. Cracked open my chest, pulled out my heart and we both cried. I did what I was told…. And that sounds crazy as FUUUCK! I know!!! Seriously, I fucking know!!! It was warm and Soft and funny. and I was gone…. Had to be intubated, gone. But that’s a whole other story for a whole other day. 

The entire reason for this is that I might think the Bible was written by humans with agendas but I do know that Jesus existed. I do believe in God AND I do think there’s many ways and journeys to get to him. And I’ve found a whole new appreciation for the old ways of seeing and feeling faith and the world around us. 

And! We’re done!! It’s still a journey. But for now, done. 

This one’s a cover by DEF LEPPARD!!! PERSONAL JESUS

That’s right! Def Leppard covered it and it’s fucking good!!!

It’s 2am and I’m coughing to death. I’ve got to take me a shot of brandy or two and hit the sack. I did most of this by voice so there will be mistakes! 

Night. See you in the moon 🌙