That Girl

 To the hospital and I’m less than thrilled but while I’m talking about it I want to give some little known hospital tricks… 1) If you’re going to the ER have a bag packed. I put an outfit to leave in, sports bras( come on now, you want your breasts to be where god put them) chargers, your own blanket… 2) Take a shower and DO YOUR MAKEUP if you think it’s possible that you’ll be admitted. Now, if you’re using a good primer and setting spray you can get a couple of solid days out of your makeup. Hit the eyes with liner and mascara HARD. 3) I got my nails done, come on now! Look at some of the patients these people have to look at. Do better. 4) if you end up being admitted with no prior notice, well I’m Here for you, baby. a) you take a shower in the hospital and you have no product for your hair…. Yes you do. You take a little of that lotion they’ve given you and rub some on your hands, you have short hair, give yourself some volume, long hair keep those fly aways in control, curly...

 My pneumonia has moved from my right lung to my left, I mean, that’s only fair right? I begged BEGGED my doctor not to admit me back into the hospital. She thinks I’ve become resistant to the third antibiotic I was on so, stoked about that. Now I’m on two more, I love that for me.  Under caution my husband allowed my YM to speak with me. It went well. We’ll see.  I’ve decided to jump onto the Hot Toddy party bus to help me from coughing up any vital organs. Living the dream, baby!!  Have not forgotten the crisis of faith thing but, as things can be, it’s a little fluid right now. Thought I’d landed in my little box but… while in the hospital I had this dream that would knock your socks off. Processing that. Could have been the heavy duty pain meds, might not have been…..And, I’m processing. I had great, I mean fantastic, nurses while I was inside. We talked about the weird shit they see and hear in the hospital and how every room has had multiple people die in them....

 I’m feeling a little trapped. Don’t take much. Don’t walk unless absolutely necessary…..Can I tell you a secret…. You know, between us ….. I had to get some jewelry into the mail…. Did that…. Well, I got them ready to ship, husband will take them but I wasn’t just staring off at a wall seeing if some could actually cough a lung out. Hasn’t happened so far…. I also…. Snuck out of the house. Ya. A wild ride in a wheel chair ( see: Don’t walk).  I’m a rebel!! Speaking of that, has anyone watched the Charlie Sheen documentary? God Damn. I had to stop 3/4 of the way into the first half. Damn. I felt like it was “me” going off the rails. Just, Dude did not know how to hold his cocaine. Watch it… But actually don’t. I felt dirty.  How am I doing? Well, I feel like a fish out of the water. Had to start a new breathing treatment BUT!! 10 days ago I was asked if I wanted to be resuscitated if I stopped breathing so, I mean, feels like a sunset compared to that. I’d also had ELEVEN...

 Hey there. I’ve been in the hospital for ten days. I’m home now with a nurse. Pneumonia and Pancreatitis. Fun combination.   The hospital is a terrible place to be. You can’t sleep AT ALL. The food SUCKS. The company is constantly poking you with needles.  Something about this stay in the hospital has rocked me in a profound way. It did NOT help my fear of dying, that’s for sure, but made me feel so emotional. I’m a weeping mess. I had a dream… Such a fantastic dream. When I got home. In fact I had two. My dreams are so vivid and real and… lovely. A boy. Our child. Things that could have been…. The saddest thing about life is never knowing when that one thing you do, love, adore, excites you, feels good, is the last time you’ll ever do that thing and you didn’t even know. Loved seeing a photo! LOVED. Fish. Thank you. Have to go. Song: Something in the heavens by Lewis Capaldi See you in the moon 

 Updated on insta. Hopefully be back asap. My butt is being kicked!

 I haven’t posted because it feels overwhelming to know where to starts so I’m just gonna write for 20 minutes and where that ends it ends and I’ll keep going over the next posts to wrap it up…. How do you wrap up a crisis of faith? How do you start? Genesis. Let’s start at the beginning. I probably won’t post verses because you can look them up if you like…. Or I might… we’ll see. The Garden of Eden. 1) In Jewish beliefs, Adam had a first wife and her name was Lilith. Lilith was a little too outspoken and sexually aggressive. God wasn’t pleased and sent her away, in the Bible we don’t get that version. I didn’t like that. It was the first time I realized that chapters, verses and entire books were removed from the Bible by men with agendas. Be that money or power or even to allow your own self to get a divorce so you could stop beheading your wives (King James, looking at you, Bud!) (These are not in order obviously) 2) The serpent!!!! Like I’ve mentioned, the snake was not a snak...