Q and A

 Let’s see if I can do this right and if you’d like to ask a question send the email to Tracy-n-Jd @earthlink. Net with no spaces and no dashes. I’ve had that email for THIRTY YEARS! I won’t have it much longer though because they started charging me $22!!!!! And get this, they are owned by Scientology 😲 I mean, that ranks pretty high on people or entities that I’d never want my money going to! Weird.


1) How are things with the son who came out? Normal. He’s still the same person with the exception that for the first time in his life he talks to me about who he finds attractive and that even includes women. He’d never ever talk about anyone he thought was attractive so we’d ask him and he’d shrug it off. Like, if he’d told me that he wanted to be a monk I would have thought that I’d seen that coming!! One that stands out to me, as far as females go, we had a barista the other day who Josh told me that she was perfect and you know what ? She is perfect. I mean, girl next door cute AND drop dead gorgeous and funny! I think that we all had a crush on her, including my husband whom we had to remind that he could stop staring! 😂 so my husband asked my son about it and he said “ I can still appreciate beauty.” He’s just really relaxed around me now, not so much his dad though. I don’t know if he ever will be to be honest. That’s ok too. 

2) How are you doing with panic attacks? I was doing really well but this week they ramped up to maximum volume. To be weird, usually when that happens suddenly it’s because something is coming that will tilt me a little. The biggest one was several years ago and I was drowning in panic attacks and ideations. My husband was in a different city about 4.5 hours away. I took Josh, packed the car and drove there so I had a responsible adult around me and one hour after I arrived my phone rang and it was a call to tell me about a death in my family. The next day I spoke to the oldest son to tell him ( that was during the first estrangement) and his response to me was “Boo fucking Hoo” I was glad to have a responsible adult around. The next day, I stopped having panic attacks. I was having really really difficult ones when we went to Colorado. My son came home and came out to me and I stopped having them. It’s just something that’s gonna tilt my world a little or sometimes a lot but mostly just this vibration feeling that something is coming. I stopped worrying about what is is a long time ago. Doesn’t change anything and since I can’t tell what kind of tilt it’s gonna be I might as well just float with it. I have mostly found things that can help me turn them down, not always but it’s much better. Hey, I said it was weird!

3) I’ve seen you have some viral posts on a certain social media platform. I’m proud of you.

 Oh, wow, that’s sweet. Just send a wave and say hello!!! I like that space, it feels more like friends and less like people who threaten to kill me for my short hair! 

4) Ok, I have to ask, do you have ANY secrets left? LOL

Well, ya, I mean, I don’t talk ALL the time. Oddly, one that weighs on me, and I so wish that I could explain why, was/is something I started to tell one of the boys once. The brother boy and I were in ‘The’ boys car. THE boy was getting gas, I was in the front seat and brother boy was in the backseat. We were high and sometimes that acted like a truth serum. Something had happened and my shell cracked pretty good,  it had NOTHING to do with the boys or anyone they knew, one of those things where you still look back and it gives you a body memory and… Anyway, I started to tell him and then a bit into the story the boy got back in the car and I never told anyone. Zero. Zip. Nada. Not Cheryl or Doug or Robb or my husband. Just me and that other person know and they are ill these days and probably not able to remember. Anyway, there are some that I wouldn’t talk about and you all are fucking nosy as hell!!!!! Start sending me your deepest darkest secrets!! 

I’m just too chatty 😉

Ok, question for y’all, did you watch the Kevin Heart Roast? What did you think? I fucking hated it. It was so bad… except for Cheryl Underwood who blew the rest away!!! It gets old watching women be called whores and joking about abortions or the death of someone’s spouse! And then the parallel universe part where the MAGA “comics” are roasting a black guy? wtf.

Sorry if that told you all the “highlights” of that shit!😂

This song is just so good and calming. 

I REMEMBER EVERYTHING by Zach Bryan

Look to the moon. 🌘 

Me


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