Because, obviously….

It’s 12:30 am and I had caffeine just a few hours ago and I forgot to take my night meds at 11 so I’m just a chatty little squirrel! First, do you remember me talking about Magic Molecules which is a spray made out of 100% Hypoclorous acid which is something our own body makes to fight all the things! Sunburns, cuts, bruises, I mean you name it this shit is supposed to be the bomb diddy. I have several bottles! I keep one next to my bed and spray my face every night, one in our medical drawers ( I’m a little weird about medical stuff. If you can catch it or hurt it, I’ve got you covered, ok! ) one in the truck…. So like two weeks ago I start getting red cheeks. I don’t know why but I know I don’t normally have red cheeks and it kind of looks like burst capillaries… I spray my face, cool, then I start getting this burning feeling UNDER my skin and I’m all, ouch! Then around my muzzle, nose cheeks, chin I start breaking out like someone left the prison gate open. Now I’m like, ouch and ICK! So what do I do? I spray my whole fucking face like I’m getting paid. 

Here comes the yummy part…. It gets to the point where when I spray this shit I can literally watch a white head pop up. I think…. That seems like the opposite of helping, right? My husband says “ I think that’s bringing whatever this thing is, maybe an infection, to the surface “ and I think… cool… but it fucking burns and tingles! I start taking antibiotics, ( shhhh do you know that the fact that you have to see a doctor for antibiotics is a bold faced lie, I mean some people, probably not me, but someone exactly like me, ok, ME! Damn!) if a person wants to you can get them on the internet…. So I always have a stock…. I just told you that I can fix or cure anything so don’t look so shocked… it’s a fucking racket to pay a co-pay for a sinus infection! 

So I took a fluconazole ( for yeast…. You can get that off the internet too, for the record) because I’m thinking this is burning and itching and tingling and I look fucking stupid and icky! 

Then my hamster gets on to its wheel and thinks…. Uh, could I be allergic to the Hypoclorous acid? Which seems stupid because our bodies make this shit, right, but I remember taking an extensive allergy test with 225 pokes all down my back to test for allergies, all but one was positive by the way. Even to tumble weeds! The worst weird one was COCKROACHES!!! You don’t want to know this but since I have to then I’m gonna tell you…. In all food products the FDA allows a certain amount of bugs especially cockroaches, and they travel with the food too sooooo , I mean, fuck Frosted Flakes, am I right? The point, finally is they injected part of me into me and I was allergic to that too!!!! I mean, wtf?! I NEVER had allergies before I moved to Satan’s winter home, Arizona. Grrrr

So I call my doctor and we do a FaceTime and she says it’s VERY VERY rare to be allergic to that product ( well, that’s your clue right there) but, yes, I’m having those symptoms so she has me spray my wrist…. Instant hives….. obviously….. Occam’s razor….Im the zebra, hell, I’m the unicorn!!!

So I’m on a steroid cream and have to wash my face with hibiclense, and if you’ve ever had to take a shower with that “ special” soap before a surgery, well, that’s what it’s called… I keep two bottles…. I’m telling you, Mama is prepared!

This is my life in a nutshell. 

Also, it’s getting better, I mean, I left the house today during daylight hours….

I’m being asked to write about my Bar Buddy-Book Club friend-Mickey Rourke 91/2 weeks-maybe roofied me?-100% Undercover DEA Agent…

So I’ll do that next!!!

Song!When We Were Young by Adele 

Night luvs

Me

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