Hmmm…. Let’s see….

 I’ve been sitting in my hands trying to figure out how to start the religion conversation about how I came to deconstructing my life long beliefs that were drilled in so deeply that I didn’t feel like I even could question the dogma. Being raised in a Christian sect that now feels like a cult as I watch evangelicals hang paintings of Trump as Christ and build literal golden cows is alarming on so many levels that I feel hate, yes, hate towards the church that I knew as it has become the complete opposite of everything we were taught. “love they neighbor” “ The meek shall inherit the earth” “ Red and yellow. Black and white, they are precious in his sight” “ it’s harder for a rich man to enter through the eye of a needle than to get into heaven” etc…

But that’s not what started this journey. My journey started when I was told that the earth is 6,000 years old and my child brain went “ hold on! But science says it’s millions of years old” to which my question was answered with “scientists buried bones to fool people into thinking that the earth was older. God buried “ Fossil” fuel for us to use….

Wtf? Then why is it called FOSSIL FUEL? Which was answered with “ we have to take some things on faith”

Do we though? I also heard that the Jewish word for “day” doesn’t mean a 24 hour day. It’s more like “ a time” as if saying “ back in the day” doesn’t mean a specific time. Ok, I’d say…. But the Bible says it’s a 24 hour day… it’s from sunrise to sunrise…. So…… but also Genesis has not one but TWO stories of earth being created and it has the sun being created twice…. And in a different order… What about that?  

“Well, one was more of an eloquent version while one focused more on facts…..”

What? That makes zero sense. It would still be the same story. 

Then I questioned the “snake” in the garden of Eden…. It wasn’t a snake, I’d say, it had legs and God punished it by removing its legs, snakes still have teeny tiny legs…. AND! It had nothing to do with Satan. Lucifer was still a beloved angel in heaven. His actual name was “ Son of the morning” and God cherished him. It’s said that he was stunning and beautiful. That snake wasn’t even him.

Then I’d hear that in Revelations Satan is referred to as a serpent so… uh, it was him…

Ok, but revelations wasn’t even in the original Bible, has zero to do with the past and certainly nothing to do with Eden….

I’d be met with furrowed brows and told that the Bible is without error. I guess that that’s what is said when you shake their little brain a bit too hard.

The fact that I was legit SHUNNED for my pregnancy. My church, my extended family…. My photos removed from their homes. Told that I needed to repent for my sins yet, what sin was that exactly? Sex before marriage? Certainly not HAVING the baby, right, I mean, God’s blessing. I’d have been crucified if id had an abortion or even told anyone that I desperately wanted one. So sex is what they wanted me to stand up in front of my church and my family and repent for? And what was their repentance for judging me? For stripping away from me my support? Were they not to love me? Behave like Jesus and accept me regardless? For the record I gave a firm NO THANK YOU to that order.

Many many more questions came later, still come, but it is that hill that I will die on. It was that hill that opened my eyes to the hypocrisy the church runs rampant with. The lies they tell themselves that they are “ better” than others. That they are somehow superior when that is the exact opposite of all those sermons and hymns an Bible verses 

That was the beginning of my journey. It’s drilled into you so thoroughly that you can not question as that is a lack of faith, that science it s satanic, that any ANY deep discussion with a pastor is not only unwelcome but forbidden and you will be shewed away with a stern lecture. I was scared to even look at facts that differ from the Bible lest that meant I’d be condemned so it’s taken me decades to shake that off and feel free to make my own conclusions. To deeply study Christianity and the Bible’s inconsistencies. I read and watch and listen. 

I think I’ve come to an odd place in my journey. One I never ever saw coming. And my Christian guilt still pokes at me, it’s in there deep! But, for me, something I’d been taught long ago to stay away from has opened a door to help me reconcile what I am leaning towards.

We’ll get there but there’s a lot to talk about between the beginning and what might be where I’ve landed and it’s not something you’ll see coming.

Song!!! Half Way To Hell by Jelly Roll

Me