Next!!!

 So we stopped speaking, obviously. There are things said that you can’t take back. Things that leave the deepest scars. I can’t forget those things. I carry them with me. They’re in a file in my brain and they sit there burning a hole in my heart. They take away my ability to trust. They slowly pick away at my self esteem. I could literally list them off here. Decades of stinging comments. 

I hate that. I’m working on that. 

A few weeks later I get a message from him saying that he doesn’t know if I want to know but he wanted to tell me before I heard it from someone else ( who would that be?) that he’d had a heart attack ( he didn’t. He had angina) anyway, I told him that he could contact me with updates, which he did. The conversations were weird. They were cold and short. That went on for a couple of months.

Then one night he called and apologized, a legitimate and heartfelt apology. It’s long so I’m gonna skip it all. I apologized for my land mine moment. I’ve ever ONLY moved past that hate rage stage twice before. I’ve found that a sincere apology where the person actually takes responsibility for their actions has always gone right for me. I try to trust my instincts on that.

So, we are friends again…. Almost back to normal BUT, I still know that he was willing to say those things. I can’t ever be back to normal but, it’s ok for now. And he’s backed WAY off the constant religious stuff. 

So that’s that. Look at me adulting!!!

I have so much to talk about but it’s 2:30 am and I have a doctor appointment today so I have to go… can’t think of a song. I’m sorry!!!

Tracy

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