You Make Me Wanna Shoop…

 I have that song stuck in my head. I’m passing it off to you. Take it.

Confession: Two-three-ish months ago I began having a two week conversation with an old friend. Now, from time to time we talk but it’s real surface kind of stuff because she couldn’t be trusted in my life as a friend but she contacted me to ask if I knew that “ The Boy’s mom had died” and because it was her I knew immediately what “Boys” she meant. Her name is Shaw-na and so I replied like, “ Uh. Ya.” She told me that she’d seen the obit and read the page for the restaurant that Mom had owned and decided that her curiosity was going to kill the cat. She asked me why everyone had been talking smack about her husband and other than knowing that a Boy didn’t particularly care for him, like, I don’t know. But, I’d read it too. So…….. I asked if she’d read anything about one of the “Boys” passing and she had not. So, that was a double edged sword and you know who understands that and had an emergency meeting with their psychiatrist about the cluster fuck of mixed emotions? Me. That’s who. 

So we basically had therapy over the next two weeks. Telling each other things we didn’t know and about those times and people and how she regrets everything, I don’t. And I told her that I don’t and while she doesn’t understand that, she doesn’t have to so…. She told me the nicest thing. She said that she’d seen always felt like she was on the outside of  our little friend group. That she always felt like the boys loved me and the boy’s parents too, but she never felt that same way, even dating a Boy. She said that it felt like I was cared for and about by the people in the bar. That she thought I had the “It” she never felt. I loved that she saw it that way. I’ve always know that the people in the bar treated me like extended family and because I started there at 18 and looked like a baby they took me under their wings. It was sweet. Now my kids hate me but, you win some, you lose some. 

Anyway… couple of questions: 

1) how are you managing the loss of your dad: Well, I mean, it suck’s but, here’s where I’m the weirdest weirdo in weird town… his ashes are nearby me and “We” watch football together. We even watch the NFL draft together and I talk to him. I have a locket that his wife sent me to put his ashes in and I’ve never been able too. That’s ok.

2) still watching documentaries? Seriously, if I didn’t watch documentaries I’d probably only rarely watch anything at all. My psychiatrist told me that that would bore him to death….. this guy has no fucking filter.

3) weird question, I’ve noticed in your Insta pics that you have your nails done now. What changed? Ok….. Uh, you’re right, that’s weird but I gotcha! You look at parts of pictures and I do too. Like, those shoes are too big or does she have extensions in? So, yes, started going every three week last September. I know when because I had them done black with one orange nails for Halloween, which starts here in the 5th of July. I like it. Makes me feel pretty and I have ALWAYS hated my hands. 

The next question is about why I dress the way I do… Have I ever given my instagram on here? I must have. Anyway, too long to get into right now. Next time. 

Ok this song by Pink can just make me cry thinking about a bar somewhere where after we pass we see all our people and meet up and hang out… ugh, chokes me up… WHEN I GET THERE check it out.

Me