OMG. Kill Me.
So Josh was staying with his sisters for 10 days. The YM has a long distance boyfriend who’s on break from Berkeley so he’s over here for a few weeks. Joshua, Miya , boyfriend have a large friend group that streams vid games and they all met up in Dallas to do some live stream content and participate in a regional championship…. Ok… who cares…. Next
So the husband and I decide to go to this AMAZING “spa” that has soaking pools with the mineral composition from bodies of water from around the world. It’s beautiful. It’s heaven. The city of Plano lights up and the view is stunning. They have fire pits, drink stations with water infused with minerals and electrolytes all filtered through coconut. They have the Dead Sea… which is a fucking trip because it looks like a clear beautiful pool but if you try to swim in it… well, it fights back! It’s supports your body so well that it feels like you’ll drift away. I did a cold plunge… TWICE!!!! It felt amazing!!! Nobody else would do it!!! Then I ran into the sauna! Bliss.
Now I need you to hear the jaws music in the background because I was all… THIS is what I need for my mental health!!! I’m happy and cozy and the weather was 98 degrees, cloudy, a nice wind and perfect.
Im in pure bliss. We added three more hours to our three hour stay so we were leaving as they were closing…. And that’s when the TRACY factor hits…..
I go into the HUGE dressing room/ locker room/ mineral showers…. I take my backpack with me to the shower and two towels. I shower and wash my suit. The backpack was kind of clunky, should have left in in my locker but there was no bench in from of my locker so I was going to have to find a bench. No biggy. There’s probably 150 women in there and there are hair dryer stations and some private changing rooms but they were all full.
The floor is polished CONCRETE. Are there any mats, you ask, no. Not even one. They have them out in the lobby between the men and women sections but after 14 hours of being opened and women putting on their body lotions, shower oils, etc… the floor has become an ice rink… you know where this is going right?
I step into an oil slick and get both of my legs jerked out from under me… HARD… I fall backwards and hit my head in the concrete, my entire right side has hit the concrete. My wrist, elbow, hip, shoulder, neck and head…. And…. I have zero idea where my towels went.
I’m spread eagle and naked. Plus I don’t know if I broke anything and I don’t have the luxury of just hanging around to find out. I want to die.
Two Russian women, mother and daughter, are demanding that they help me. I’m seeing stars and they are yelling at me, bossing me around real good. I finally said “ STOP. I need a minute” but they were having none of that so they grab me, one of them is stealing towels from other women… SEVEN TOWELS….I, well I just start apologizing for, you know, putting them out. They repeat over “ It’s Ok!”
They are the real heroes here. If you EVER need help but you’re too fucked up to know it, let a Russian woman boss you around because your brain just goes into “ must follow instructions “ mode.
I didn’t dry off, I couldn’t put my bra on and I notice while I’m struggling that I’m FACING a FULL LENGTH MIRROR and are my legs closed, no. Why would you think that, silly!! I have towels all around me, do I cover back up when I sit down? No. My brain has just bounced around my skull. And the Russian’s are behind me watching me forget how a bra goes on while showing them where I used to have a uterus…..
I had brought this hippy skirt that can be pulled up over the boobs the make a sleeveless dress and a linen flowy top so I pull the skirt up, put the shirt over the top…. Put on my face serums because I’m not a fucking heathen! And I keep telling myself DO NOT CRY!!!! …. Until you get the fuck out.
My husband was waiting for me and as soon as he saw my face and the new way I was wearing my outfit he said “OMG!!! What happened to you?!”
I say…. GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! OH! And I think I broke my arm! Maybe my hip, and you know that if you break a hip you got like maybe one year left to live, that’s how that works…so he calls an Uber while I lay in the grass…. Begging to die like my pride did in that locker room.
We get home, get into our truck and I go to the hospital… so I can tell this story to all of them…. The doc asked if I lost consciousness and I answered, God, I wish! And the room laughed WITH me.
I have a concussion, sprained wrist, sprained elbow, bone bruise in my hip…. The doc says… The good news is there’s no brain bleed! Well…… There’s that!
So, Happy Memorial Day,
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